I need a little place in the sun sometimes or I think I will die

Hello friends,
so sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Life has been completely kicking my ass and this little blog has taken a backseat. which sucks, because writing is one of the things that calms me the most.

Lately, I have been thinking about how it was only a little over a year ago that I bought my first bike. Since then I have been through 4 bikes and am more in love with riding my bike than I am with my...well, pretty much anything.

Some of you may have followed the blog that Bike Skirt was spun from, Triathablog. I was re-reading some of my posts from that time and came across this one. It is still true and yet I think of how far I have come since that time. I have been pretty stressed and down yesterday and find that if I don't ride, I feel significantly worse. Just as I said in that post, when I was a new rider, so excited and new to the sport and the life. I had just gotten Mick Jagger and was so in love. (sad)

So...I thought I would share it. Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Mother's Little Helper
I know that lately I haven't really been getting too personal. I have been waxing poetically about my wonderful commute and extolling the wonders of bike websites. Well, tonight I change that.

I have depression and OCD. Take a moment to register your shock or laugh at the obviousness of that statement. Ok, done? I am also coming on the anniversary of a pretty tragic event in my life, and my job is so stressful that I leave with a tension headache every other day. I would expect to be a complete wreck, crying all the time or numbing out completely.

Strangely that has not been the case. At first, I thought I was not dealing, or must be avoiding issues. Then I realized that nothing lately has really thrown me for a loop. It stopped about 2 months ago. Right about the time I started riding pretty seriously. Coincidence? I doubt it. I feel great and so hopeful. My insomnia has all but disappeared and I find myself with more energy than I have ever had. I have never had such a great body image. I simply feel great.

THAT is the best part of cycling for me. It has been a scary thing, throwing myself into a sport and an established (male-dominated) community. A year ago this would have thrown me into paralyzing fear and insecurity. Instead, I am so excited and full of hope. I look forward to my next ride and find myself hoping that I can ride to wherever my destination may be (concert, party, grocery store, church...).

Is this from the support I have found in friends and fellow riders, or the actual riding? I think it is a bit of both. Either way, I am so grateful. Yes, life is hard and some things are hard to accept, but everything feels a little bit easier on my bike.

On another note, Mick Jaggar is so sexy right now. New blue tires and white bar tape. If my bike were a person, I would have a mad crush on it. Picture to come.
end

Looking back is so fun. it also shows me that this is no passing phase...my two wheeled life is here to stay.